Dear Anders

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My story in the last issue of Synapse about becoming a grandmother generated a rather overwhelming response from our readers--thanks to all of you who wrote, called or stopped me at the co-op to comment. (For those who missed the last issue, I wrote about my feelings during my 17-year old daughter's pregnancy and birth of my first grandchild last November.) As a follow-up I wanted to share with you one letter that especially touched me. It is written by Gil Hansen, former partner of our good friend, Moksha, who passed away a year and a half ago. Gil now lives in San Francisco. -Sally Van Vleck

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You can't read yet so you will have to have your mother or grandmothr read this for you. It was your grandmother's words in Synapse which caused me to write this letter to you. First, I cried as I looked at the picture of you in her arms and then I cried again as I read her words.

She touched my heart writing about many issues, concerns and people who grieve us. She spoke of the doctor who didn't take responsibility for warning you mother of the side effects of the medication he gave her. She spoke of people who are so arrogant they are sure they know the only "right" ways and how willing they are to impose their beliefs on us regardless of the pain and suffering they cause. I am sad for them but I cannot allow them to run my life for me any more than I want them to guide your life for you.

Your grandmother spoke of her sorrows for her daughter and all she will miss of adolescence. Then she displayed her strengths of acceptance and turned toward making her life, your mother's life, your life a thing of positive value.

Your grandmother, bless her, also speaking of having learned from her daughter. Not many of us readily learn from those younger than ourselves...we sometimes believe we "know better". But look at what your mother has taught your grandmother. Aren't they wonderful?

What courage in your mother...a little girl so soon become a woman.

You are a new light come into our lives. Hail and welcome to your hero journey sweet little Anders. Bless you and bless all of those who love and will care for you. I hope I may be one of them.

I don't know how to pray in the "conventional Christian way", sweet babe but know you are in my heart. Know I send all of the light and life which my heart can yet muster.

I have not seen you, touched you, held you and I look forward to that day when I will.

Perhaps both your mother and grandmother will read this for you. Each will read it in their own way and both will bring special meaning to it. They are women who are love itself.

Your loving friend,
Gil Hansen

Return to the Index of Synapse 35, Spring Equinox 1996