The first thing they asked us to do at the nonviolence/peace training weekend was to leave our career costumes behind. We would know each other by name and actions only. Ack! I did not realize how much I clung to my persona until I was asked to be my own person. A big part of me enjoyed being anonymous over the weekend; we had the opportunity to get to know each other and ourselves without first asking, or answering, that most common of introductory questions "What do you do?" Another part of me, however, was nervous and uncomfortable without my standard introduction. New acquaintances are generally interested in my work, and our conversation can really get going with that jump start. It's easy to let my resume do the talking while the shy little girl in me hides behind it.
What does my fragile ego have to do with two days of studying nonviolence? I learned that my occupation shield is just one minor way I can keep from knowing myself and, as a result, others. There are also class shields, nationality shields, race shields, religion shields ad nauseam. All add up to barriers between people and peace. Without my little career crutch, I had the uncomfortable opportunity to see my insecurities fall into the very same pattern that can culminate in war between neighbors, regions and nations.
The pattern that prevents much inner peace and world peace is called projection. Here's how it works: Without my interesting career as a personality reference, I stood there feeling just like I did on the first day of fifth grade, when I was starting at the fourth school I'd attended since Kindergarten. I felt like a nobody (whatever that is). I'm embarrassed by this, but it's true that I then caught myself projecting my lack of total self-acceptance onto other people. I imagined that they didn't like me (either), and I even got a little defensive about it. After some reflection, I saw that I was expressing anger I hold about the different ignorant and unintended messages I've taken in over the years telling me I am not worth much. The problem is that not only do I still believe some of these messages, but I resent them because the truth is I am a beautiful child of the universe just like everyone else. Looking around at the other people at the training, I realized they were not sending me those messages. Even if they did, I didn't have to accept them. It was me! I'm the one who holds the club of rejection over my own head and puts it in the hands of other people.
It's easier for me to admit this when I remember I'm not alone. Projection of our own fears onto other people is one of our most common habits. It's also the primary mechanism by which fear turns into anger, which transforms into hate and expresses itself as violence. Fearful people, which we all are to some extent, put their own low opinions about themselves into the heads of others and then convince themselves that the "others" are dismissing, deriding and denouncing them. Hitler, Mussolini, Richard Nixon and Mao Tse Tung had this problem. These men also spread their projection/paranoia dis-ease by creating scapegoats for followers to project mass delusion onto. The people terrorized other people instead of facing the lies within.
Peacemaking, on the other hand, is all about loving yourself and your enemy. You don't have to be a perfect reincarnation of Buddha, Ghandi or King to do it. You just have to have faith that the universe is loving, every experience is a blessing and that peace starts with your own power to be true to the voice in your gut that says "this is not right." Peace is this process of recognizing the violence we do to ourselves and then stopping our thoughts, words and hands from striking out at others in retaliation.
Role-playing at the nonviolence training